It Was Perfect Until It Wasn’t

“One day I woke up and my Daddy Dom had gone, he didn’t say why he just wasn’t there anymore. The last thing he told me was that he loved me. Then he went somewhere, where I couldn’t even ask him why he’d gone away. I had done nothing, at least not that I knew of, how could I possibly know. I mean everything was perfect, until it wasn’t.”
That morning I woke , I didn’t just wake to the feeling of utter loss and abandonment I woke to thoughts of the trajectory of my life, up until that point I’d allowed myself to become so vulnerable. I’d thrown myself into the cooking pot without checking first to see if it was hot. My whole life I’d spent with my heart on my sleeve and I’d been hurt more times than I could remember. I’d submitted in a relationship that by all outside appearances seemed flawless. People told me if only I’d taken out a microscope I’d have seen the cracks. So I looked and got burnt in the process.
Crack one, the biggest of all cracks, another sub. But this wasn’t just any crack, it was a shard of glass that stuck in my side, taunting me. Even when I tried to glue it back on.
Crack two, broken boundaries, I ‘ll explain something to you now and I hope it goes someway into explaining how deep inside the fissure has grown. Rule one of Dom club, never, upon never is it ever acceptable to abandon a sub. It goes against all codes of practice and ethics combined. When someone submits in a D/s relationship, they literally do just that, they submit everything to the Dom. All fragments of themselves: thoughts, worries, hopes and dreams including their bodies, it’s an act of love in it’s way, if not completely. This is the most precious gift the Dom can receive and he is supposed to cherish it and love the sub back entirely. What makes it relatively worse in a DDlg relationship is that in this relationship not only does the Dom take complete control but the sub enters a childlike state of mind. This means the impact of abandonment can have the same emotional impact as that of an actual child being abandoned can have. An abandoned child wouldn’t be able to reason why they were being abandoned, they would simply feel a complete hurt, loss and rejection. Obviously you might say that the subs are not in fact children, but fully grown, reasonable adults- which of course is true. However I believe it’s a testament to the power over the mind that these relationships can have, that you enter a different plane of thought. If you’re in deep enough you actually do give up those thought processes with earth shattering consequences if all falls apart.
Crack three, broken trust, I had submitted like any D/s relationship requires and as a babygirl and woman in my own right I felt devastated.
So I did the only thing I could think of doing to escape my crumbling, emotionally erratic mind; I ran. I ran away- by means of train- from my life, my worries, my heartbreak. All the way from London, all the way to the Cotswold’s. On arriving I set about forgetting, to save my sanity, forgetting the entire messed up affair. I lay down on the grass, looked up at the sky and forgot.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “It Was Perfect Until It Wasn’t

  1. 😦 I’m so sorry. Abandonment is the worst thing a Dom can do, and like you said, for a DDlg relationship the effects might trigger a different kind of trauma. Each point you make rings more true than the last, there is so much responsibility that comes with being a Dom and to hear that it was taken lightly enough to walk away from is rough.. but from your words I know you are strong. This was a great post, thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Each day I’m learning and getting stronger and I’m blessed to have a few angels around me for support. I’m sorry that you went through it too. If I can offer any support, or even just a chat and a friendly ear please let me know.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s